In the time of cataract

About three months ago I had a cataract-operation, right eye. Fantastic. People say to me you're young to have a cataract op, but I had to have one, and I've had it now and am grateful. And now I have also got my new glasses, and the world around me is CLEAR ...!

During the first six weeks I had to take it very easy, with everything - no lifting, no bending down, no swimming, gardening or dancing. Frustrating, but this sort of standstill gave me time to think and also perspective on things - opened my eyes in more ways than one.

Thoughts about my job has been murmuring and mulled over for a long time. One thing I was very clear over was that it was a mistake, this being confirmed to me again and again in various ways, in spite of my working very hard on not giving up, not giving in too soon, trying to be neutral, trying not to take certain things too seriously etc, etc. But again and again I rolled back into this hole of misery and where all I could think was I just don't want to do this, this isn't me ...

So ... I am now retired from my permanent job as from end of April! It sounds strange to say retired, gives me visions of a total draw back from anything connected from work. Which is not the case. I'm still on the relief list for the libraries (I liked the actual library work, but not all the admin, all the 'ticking of the right boxes', all the politics of my previous post), and I'd like to think there may be something else around the corner, something I haven't discovered yet.

And Colin and I went to Barcelona for a long weekend and had a very nice time, and I'm going to Amsterdam and Delft for a week in June, and to Sweden for two weeks in July, and inbetween there's gardening and walking to do, friends and films to see, books to read, patchwork to ponder and piece together ... anything to pass these empty days ... !